News McNuggets

October 26, 2011

“Unrelenting sex drive may signal deadly rabies”

Charlie Sheen has rabies?

“Romney will do anything to get elected”
The Atlantic

And that makes him different from the rest of them….how?

“Car rental firm Hertz fired 26 [Muslim] employees at its Sea-Tac Airport location for failing to clock out when they take their prayer breaks….They have not applied the policy to people who take smoke breaks.”
KOMO Seattle

So, the Muslims should start smoking while they’re on their prayer mats.

Auto racing legend Al Unser Jr. was arrested and charged with DWI in Albuquerque, after investigators said his blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit and he was speeding at more than 100 mph.
KOAT Albuquerque

Maybe Al should have tipped a few before his races. He might have won more.

NM holds highest solve-rate for bank robberies in U.S.
KOB Albuquerque

No, it’s not smart cops. It’s dumb bank robbers.

About 36% of consumers will drive five miles out of their way to save three cents per gallon of gasoline.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

54 percent of voters want to throw out every member of Congress.
Christian Science Monitor

Yes, but they all think their own congressman is a good guy. Repeat after me: “My congressman is an idiot.”

Investigators have not ruled out foul play in the death of a young Arkansas man whose body was discovered in an empty bathtub next to a sleeping TV meteorologist.
Fox News

Sorry, I just think this is funny.

“My next door neighbor’s two dogs have created more shovel ready jobs than this president.”
attributed to stealth presidential candidate Gary Johnson

Rick Perry ought to hire Johnson’s speech writers.

An expert panel convened by the National Academy of Sciences concluded that the FAA lacks the technical expertise needed to build and manage complex air-traffic systems.

Which is, of course, why the FAA is in the business of building and managing a complex air-traffic system.

On Monday, to the disappointment of many who were ready to break their dusk to dawn fast, the [Indonesian] Ministry of Religious Affairs announced that Eid al-Fitr would fall on Wednesday because the moon was still too low on the horizon.
VOA News

While our politicians fritter away their time on things like taxes and the deficit, here’s a government that’s got its priorities in order.

Republicans stormed into control of the House of Representatives last fall on a promise to cut spending by $100 billion this year. But instead of reducing outlays, the Republicans managed to do what all Congresses eventually do: Spend more.
Wall Street Journal

Again, repeat after me: “My congressman is an idiot.”


“Occupy Wall Street” and “The Tea Party” Should Merge

October 23, 2011

This sounds like a marriage made in Hell; it is—for Congress.

If you look at the people and the agendas of the two movements (the word ‘organization’ hardly applies here) they don’t appear to agree on anything.

The Tea Party is comprised of flag-waving, largely religious, Republican refugees who favor reduced taxes, a balanced budget, repeal of Obamacare, and a pragmatic environmental policy. Opposite them, Occupy Wall Street is characterized by the children and grandchildren of 60’s hippies who protest social and economic inequality, the influence of lobbyists, corporate power over government, and the impending doom of global warming.

If the members of these two groups were honest about the root cause of their displeasure, both would finger the same culprit—Congress. Our congress is an inept, corrupt institution that, almost singlehandedly, is responsible for everything that pisses both groups off. OWS and TTP don’t have to agree on anything other than throwing our current crop of career politicians to the curb.

Our country has problems. There is no consensus as to which problems are important or how to solve them. But all of us should be able to agree that we would be fools to entrust the solutions to the pack of idiots who created the problems in the first place. Throw the bastards out!

(Memo to OWS: You’d be wise to enter in to merger discussions with TTP soon. Winter is coming and those city parks are going to get friggin’ cold. Most Tea Party supporters have central heating).

Romney’s a Mormon? Romney’s a Loser

October 13, 2011

I’m not much of a political forecaster but it appears that betting against Mitt Romney is as close as one can come to a Sure Thing. Romney almost certainly will not get the Republican nomination for president and, if he does, he will lose to Obama in the general election. Why? Because Romney is a Mormon.

During the past month, five different polls have addressed the question of candidates’ religion. The results:

  • In a Lawrence Research survey 20 percent said they’d never consider voting for a Mormon.
  • In a Gallup poll, 22 percent of Americans said they wouldn’t vote for a Mormon.
  • In a Pew survey 25 percent said they’d be less likely to support a presidential candidate if he were Mormon.
  • In a Poll Position survey, 32 percent of adults said they’d never support a Mormon for president.
  • In a Quinnipiac survey, 36 percent said they’d be uncomfortable with a Mormon president.

Somewhere between 20 and 36 percent of Americans hold opinions ranging from “would never consider voting for a Mormon” to “being uncomfortable with a Mormon president.” With negatives like these, the Republicans would be committing political suicide if they let Romney have the nomination. A candidate can’t win an election when roughly one-quarter of the voters are opposed to him for reasons almost totally unrelated to his fitness for office. (By comparison, only about 5% of Americans would either “definitely vote for,” or “definitely not vote for” a candidate on the basis of his race).

It’s nice to know that religious bigotry is alive and well in America.

I used to be an anti-Mormon bigot myself until I realized that events like Jesus appearing in America and the translation of the Book of Mormon by peering into a hat are no more bizarre than the virgin birth or talking serpents. Once you buy into some of this shit, why not believe it all. Who are we to say that Joseph Smith is any less of an authority on God than was Isaiah?

I still have trouble with the underwear, though.