News McNuggets

“Even less information than you get from USA Today!”

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France has denied citizenship to a man because he allegedly forced his wife to wear a full Islamic veil, the French immigration minister said in a statement Wednesday.

See, there really are Fashion Police!

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The U.S. and its allies are announcing the precise target of their first big offensive of the Afghanistan surge in an apparent bid to intimidate the Taliban.

Brilliant, just fucking brilliant. Tell the bad guys right where you’re gonna be and when. Yeah, that’ll intimidate them.

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Opium poppy fields form the ethnic and financial foundations of the Taliban insurgency.

True enough. They also form the ethnic and financial foundations of the entire Afghan population.

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U.S. President Barack Obama still plans to meet the Dalai Lama despite China’s warning that such a meeting would hurt US-China ties.

Reminds me of what Stalin said when one of his aides suggested he consider what the Pope might do. “The Pope,” said Stalin? “How many divisions does he have?”

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“One day he is a conservative, the next a moderate, and another day he is the great compromiser. He has no core on economic issues.”

I hate quotations like this. It could apply to anybody in congress.

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Instead of employers cutting just over 7 million jobs from their payrolls since the economic downturn began in December 2007, it’s expected that the Labor Department’s new estimate will be a loss of 8 million jobs.

What’s another million out of work? Pass the sherry, Michele.

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Saudi women’s rights advocates are outraged after a 12-year-old girl was sold by her father into marriage with an 80-year-old man.

Saudi women’s rights advocates?

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The political landscape looks increasingly favorable for Republicans to pick up House and Senate seats in November, with some handicappers predicting major gains of 25 to 30 seats and Republican House leaders expressing confidence that they can win the 40 seats they need to take back the majority.

You Democrats needn’t lose any sleep over this. The Republicans could fuck up a two-car funeral.

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Debra Medina, a Texas Republican gubernatorial candidate said on the Glenn Beck Show that there were “some very good arguments” that the U.S. was involved in bringing down the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001.

See. I told you the Republicans could fuck up a two-car funeral.

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The public has lost much of its enthusiasm for health care reform, and how Mr. Obama has managed it.

This brilliant insight comes from America’s newspaper of record, The New York Times.

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Vice President Joe Biden made his latest eyebrow-furrowing prediction Wednesday night, declaring confidently that another Sept. 11-size terror attack is “unlikely” in the U.S., despite signs that al Qaeda and and other terrorist groups are actively planning more attacks.

John Nance Garner, Franklin Roosevelt’s first VP, once said the office of vice president was not worth a pitcher of warm spit. Apparently neither is the vice president.

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A friend in Tallahassee said he had to lift his shirt to expose his colostomy bag to the TSA in Philadelphia.

Next question. What’s the TSA do if the colostomy bag contains over 4 oz of a liquid?

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Fred Morrison, 90, the man most often credited with inventing the Frisbee, died Feb. 9.

Why is it the assholes like Bernie Madoff get all the publicity?

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The weakening of faith has also been a “significant contributing factor” in the sexual abuse of minors, the pope said.

Oh, I get it Your Holiness. Part of the reason there was so much sexual abuse is because people weren’t attending church as often as they should. (Note to minors: Stay the fuck away from Catholic churches).

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Atlanta Progressive News senior reporter Jonathan Springston was fired by the paper because he insisted on reporting news events based on facts.

Jonathan, Jonathan. Didn’t they tell you in J school, “never let the facts get in the way of a good story?”

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John David Dingell Jr.,  83 is setting out for  a 28th two-year term in Congress.

Did this guy ever in his life hold an honest job?

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