Yodeling from a Minaret

November 30, 2009

Everyone in the press, and I mean everyone, has their panties in a bunch after the Swiss voted over the weekend to ban the construction of additional minarets in most cantons (provinces) of Switzerland.

Switzerland already has three or four of these tall towers from which the Muslim faithful are called to prayer five times a day—but no more for the time being.

Swiss officials are falling all over themselves trying to apologize for this “intolerant” expression of grass-roots democracy. And the world press is unanimous in its condemnation.

But, as always, there’s another under-reported side to the story.

First, this was grass-roots democracy in action. The ban was the result of a referendum of Swiss voters, not an action by the Swiss Parliament. Switzerland has a representative form of government similar to that in many Western nations. However, the Swiss constitution provides for something seen in few countries anywhere: direct democracy. Under the Swiss constitution the voters can, by referendum, pass laws or overturn laws if they find their elected officials are not representing the will of the people. The Swiss also can amend their constitution through a similar process. This makes Switzerland a direct democracy as opposed to the United States, which is a republic.

The best the US can do is throw out the current batch of arrogant pricks and elect a new batch of arrogant pricks.

In other words, the voters did an end run on the Swiss politicians saying, in effect, “You are not representing our interests. Political correctness aside, we don’t want to increase Muslim presence in Switzerland.” The referendum was sponsored by the Swiss People’s Party (SVP). The press calls SVP “right-wing,” a term that has become Newspeak for “Knuckle Dragging Troglodytes.”

Second, the press under-reported the impetus for this successful grass-roots referendum: feminists. Yes, Swiss women, an independent free-thinking lot, voted overwhelmingly to ban the expansion of Muslim presence in Switzerland. Apparently they had heard nasty rumors to the effect that Muslims were chauvinists, that their treatment of women was often uncharitable and sometimes downright cruel. How awful rumors like this get started is beyond me, but that’s what drove the Swiss women to the polls in large numbers.

Third, the press was universal in condemning this infringement of religious rights by the largely agnostic Swiss. A sampling of the headlines:

Religious leaders across the world have criticised Switzerland’s referendum vote to ban the building of minarets

Europe unites to deplore Swiss ban on minarets

Vatican and Muslims condemn Swiss minaret ban vote

Papers express dismay at Switzerland’s ban on minarets

Horrors!

Here’s the really great part: Not one, not one, of the world’s leading news organizations bothered to mention that Saudi Arabia (as well as some other countries) bans the building of churches and all forms of open Christian worship. This fact, which adds a little ‘balance’ to the action taken by the Swiss, was NOT reported by any of the following major news organizations (yes, I checked every one of them):

British Broadcasting Corporation
Associated Press
Voice of America
Jerusalem Post
Aljazeera
London Times
United Press International
New York Times
Reuters
Agence France-Presse
Christian Science Monitor

According to The Times of London the ban on minaret construction isn’t likely to stand for long, as it will probably be overturned by the Swiss Supreme Court or the European Court of Human Rights.

Here we go again. The fucking judges get the last vote. Were courts instituted to save us from ourselves? Are we (all of us, in democracies around the world) so inept that we need courts to keep us from stepping on our own foreskins?

And isn’t Switzerland a sovereign nation? Who the fuck is the “European Court of Human Rights” to tell the Swiss how to manage their affairs?

This article is getting long but I feel compelled to make a couple of personal comments:

Those are loudspeakers on the minaret at the left

First, minarets are ugly pieces of phallic architecture best suited for the sexually repressed cultures of the Middle East. They don’t look bad in Mecca but in Detroit, Paris, or Berne they look like shit.

Second, minarets are built in order to call the faithful to prayer. Prior to the electronic age, I suppose the job went to the guy with the biggest set of lungs. Now, most minarets are equipped with loudspeakers. How’d you like one of those things in your neighborhood braying out a call to prayer five times a day in an alien tongue. I sure as hell hope if they build a minaret near my house the cops have the balls to issue a citation for disturbing the peace.

In fact, that’s where we go next gang. When they start hollering from the minarets, we file suit for disturbing the peace and attempting to impose religion on us against our will. If you can’t put the Ten Commandments on the courthouse lawn (by the way, another dumb idea), then you can’t broadcast Allahu akhbar all over the neighborhood either.

This might also lead to the quieting of church bells. I could sleep undisturbed on Sundays.

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At the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

November 26, 2009

"Ooh, look, Bishop Tortellini...Cub Scouts!"


Does Politics Make You Corrupt or Is Corruption a Prerequisite for Politics?

November 25, 2009

“In the surest sign yet that the … former CNN talker seriously plans to enter politics, Lou Dobbs has already flip-flopped on the question of amnesty for people illegally living in this country.”

Andrew Malcolm
Los Angeles Times

In a single sentence, Andrew Malcolm may well have captured the essence of the corruption inherent in American politics. Read the sentence above again. It’s too important to miss. …I’ll wait…

Here it is again, rephrased as a general axiom:

If someone dramatically alters his views on an issue overnight, he’s planning on going into politics (or is already there).

Lou Dobbs

You know Lou Dobbs. Until a few weeks ago he was CNN’s token conservative newsreader.

At least for conservatives, the pinnacle of Mr. Dobbs’ career occurred on May 23, 2007 when he reported on an immigration bill that was grinding its way through congress. House Republican Leader John Boehner of Ohio publicly had called the bill “a piece of shit.”

Rep John Boehner

Cleaning up the language for the kiddies, Mr. Dobbs reported this on CNN and then went on to explain in detail why the bill was, in fact, “a piece of shit.” (The bill, introduced during the Bush administration, eventually died but the Obama gang has vowed to introduce its own immigration piece of shit as soon as it has finished with its health care piece of shit and its Afghanistan piece of shit).

Dobbs’ video became a YouTube classic but offended the Hispanic community for the usual reasons. They took objection to his less than sympathetic references to things like no back taxes, amnesty for everybody including gang members, permanent temporary visas, in-state school tuition for illegals, and on and on.

On November 11 this year Dobbs announced he was leaving CNN. Apparently he was too “radical” for the Atlanta liberals and it was mutually agreed that he would depart. Almost immediately he announced that he was considering a run either for the senate or the presidency.

His first official act as a potential candidate was radically to change his position on one of the key issues in American politics: illegal immigration.

Piece of Shit

Last Friday, Mr. Dobbs told Maria Celeste of the Spanish-language network Telemundo that he now supports a plan to legalize millions of undocumented workers. He went on to tell Celeste, “Whatever you have thought of me in the past, I can tell you right now that I am one of your greatest friends and I mean for us to work together.”

Mr. Dobbs has a plan to grant amnesty to as many as 12 million illegal immigrants in the US, saying that “we need the ability to legalize illegal immigrants under certain conditions.”

So here’s today’s 10-point toss-up question: Do you have to be corrupt to go into politics or does going into politics make you corrupt?

Did Lou have an epiphany? Did the angel Gabriel, (or Moroni, or Steve) appear to him in the night saying, “Loouuu… you were wrong about illegal immigration. It’s good for America. Repent and confess your sins on Telemundo.”

Or did a political consultant whisper in Lou’s ear, “Lou, baby, the Democrats have already done the leg work. They’ve registered millions of illegal voters. All you gotta do is persuade them your mother was Haitian.”


Pilfering Communion

November 24, 2009

Rep. Patrick Kennedy

Roman Catholic Bishop Thomas Tobin has barred Rep. Patrick Kennedy (son of the late Sen Edward Kennedy) from receiving communion because of his support of abortion rights.

Bishop Tobin

Tobin can prevent Kennedy from receiving communion within his diocese, which covers Rhode Island. It’s unclear whether this action by Bishop Tobin would would also exclude Rep. Kennedy from receiving communion in another diocese.

This festouche has been brewing for a few years. Back in 2007, Bishop Tobin wrote Kennedy, advising that:

“In light of the Church’s clear teaching, and your consistent actions, therefore, I believe it is inappropriate for you to be receiving Holy Communion and I now ask respectfully that you refrain from doing so.”

Tobin’s ire stems from Kennedy’s “consistent actions” which apparently have been his recent votes to continue supporting abortion rights.

A man, believed to be Rep. Kennedy in disguise, sneaks into communion at St. Bartholomew's

Rep. Kennedy faces a dilemma: condemned to everlasting fires of hell if he fails to partake in communion; condemned to the everlasting fires of hell if he does take communion. What’s a believer to do?

For someone as cunning as a congressman, this is easy. Who holds the trump card here? God or Bishop Tobin? Bishop Tobin will be dead in a decade or two anyway. But God?—well, he’s pretty much eternal. So, if the good congressman believes in God then he’d best fear Him more than he fears Bishop Tobin and find a way to sneak into communion.

And if Congressman Kennedy doesn’t believe in God, what can Tobin do to him other than cost him a few votes?

Kennedy has alternatives:

  • He can put on a clever disguise and sneak into any Catholic church in Rhode Island. We’ve done the math. The chances that he’ll be recognized (or struck by lightning) are less than 10^-23 or just slightly better than the chances that Detroit will win the Super Bowl.
  • He can sneak into a Catholic church in another diocese. Even though there’s wine in that chalice have you ever seen them check ID in a mass?
  • He could bribe a priest and get him to serve communion.
  • The Church could re-institute indulgences and shake Kennedy down for some serious money. (Odds are, this wouldn’t be the first time a Kennedy has paid the Church to look the other way).

"Uff course you realise vee heff vays of dealing viss you."

Of course the One True Church is not without alternatives. They could start checking ID’s at the door and stamping the hands of qualified communicants with purple ink.

Or the pope could institute a Eucharistic Gestapo, commissioned to ensure that all communicants have been orthodox in word and deed. Qualified communicants would be issued a certificate entitling them to receive communion. (Hmm, isn’t that sort of like the idea of a Mormon ‘Temple Recommend?’).


Make Them Non-Persons

November 23, 2009

There’s a tempest of controversy brewing over bringing people like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and some of the Gitmo gang to New York for trial on various terrorist acts.

To those New Yorkers who have expressed outrage that:

  • a) these assholes are coming back to New York for trial
  • b) their very presence in New York places an unnecessary safety risk and economic burden on the community
  • c) by moving them onto US territory we are, in effect, giving them Constitutional protections to which they are not entitled,

I agree, but I am no longer at all surprised at the depths of stupidity that are fathomed regularly by our elected and appointed officials.

Wait until next week. I’m sure they’ll do something even more fatuous.

The biggest mistake they are making here has nothing to do with jurisprudence or constitutional vs. military law. It has everything to do with publicity and martyrdom. New York, Chicago, or LA are the last places we want to try these bastards.

A few modest proposals:

  • Try them in places like Altoona, Flint, Duluth, or Missoula. Make sure the trials are scheduled for the dead of winter. This will encourage media types to agitate for swift trials.
  • Find towns where unemployment is high. Jury pay isn’t much but it will help, and all those media types hanging around the bar at the local Comfort Inn will do wonders for the local economy.
  • Give these towns generous grants for whatever they want—new schools, shopping malls, courthouses, golf courses. Make it worth their while. It’ll still be cheaper than what these trials will cost in New York.
  • Assign plenty of police and military protection so local law enforcement isn’t overwrought.
  • Make sure that travel connections are as inconvenient as possible. This will reduce the number of demonstrators of all persuasions.

Do Not Sentence Any of These Cocksuckers to Death

Remember, they really believe this Instant Path to Paradise, 72 Virgin, Jihad Martyrdom shit. They are products of a culture of death. Their demise at the hands of infidels establishes their bona fides. They become martyrs, heroes, and role models for the next generation of suicide bombers and child murderers.

Sentence them to life and make sure they serve their time in remote, little-known prisons like Menard IL or Florence CO. Sentence them to a life (and death) of obscurity. When they finally succumb to old age (if Big J and Paco don’t shank them first), make sure they die in obscurity. Delay the announcement of their deaths by at least a month. Cremate them.

Limit their contact with the outside world. Confine them to solitary for their own safety. (Believe it or not, our prisons hold quite a few inmates who consider themselves patriots. They would love to take down a jihadist in the recreation yard).

US Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan

And, when all the trials are over, let’s hold a special session to nominate the Most Reprehensible Terrorist. He gets a special cell with Nidal Hasan as a roommate.

According to Hasan’s lawyer, poor Hasan is paralyzed from the chest down and is incontinent. Wouldn’t it be appropriate to sentence Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to a lifetime of wiping Hasan’s ass?


I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

November 22, 2009

Is Sarah Palin an intellectual giant? No. Is she possessed of great political savvy? No. Is she a political visionary? No. Is she a natural leader? Not likely. Is she, like Ronald Reagan, a Great Communicator?’ Not really. Does anyone take her seriously—a formidable political force with which to be reckoned in the coming years? Yep—the Democrats do.

The former governor of Alaska and recent unsuccessful vice presidential candidate has put the fear of the Almighty in the Democrats. They are so worried about this photogenic political lightweight that the Democrats set a fund raising record in October by alluding to the dangers she posed to our democracy.

How did they raise so much money? They sent a letter about Sarah to the party faithful:

“Remember, this is the person who coined the term ‘Death Panels’ — and opened the flood gates for months of false attacks by special interests and partisan extremists.

“As we approach the final sprint on health reform, we can’t afford more deception and delay. We need to be ready for anything — and have the resources to respond with ads, events, and calls to Congress when the attacks come.

“So we’re setting a big goal: $500,000 in the next week to help push back against Sarah Palin and her allies. Please chip in $5 (apparently Democrats really are poor, or just cheap) to help reach our goal.”

Barry’s job rating has slipped below 50% and is headed south; Sarah’s potential job rating (that is, how well do people think she would do at running the country) is even lower than Barry’s.

So why are the Democrats worried? They control the House, the Senate, the Presidency, they’ve packed the courts with activist judges. And they’re watching it all head inexorably down the drain because they’ve mistaken constituents’ votes as permission to anything they damn well please.

The next congressional election is less than a year away. There’s not a congressman or senator out there who isn’t already sensing looming disaster. The voters are getting ready to tell them, “Either clean up your act, or clean out your desk.”

It gets worse. Barry is on his way to becoming another Jimmy Carter. Not a bad guy, in many ways, but inept in the finer points of domestic politics and totally outclassed on the world stage. Like Carter, Barry is on his way to becoming a one-term president; well, a half-term president really, because when he loses control of congress (which is happening already) he won’t get anything done.

When the judges turn in the score cards, however, Carter will come out as having been the better president. Not that he did much but at least he did it without putting together a coalition of Hollywoodenheads, Chicago ward heelers, assorted felons, and avowed “God damn America” preachers and imams.


A Buck a Pound Would Be a Fair

November 21, 2009

One Pennsylvania university is now requiring that overweight undergraduates take a fitness course in order to receive their degrees. Officials at Lincoln University said the school is concerned about high rates of obesity and diabetes. “We know we’re in the midst of an obesity epidemic,” said a school official.

Students, health, and legal experts are not pleased. They see this as an infringement on the rights of lardasses everywhere.

What did you fuckers expect? You went after smokers— forced them out into the heat, the cold, the wind, and the rain; denied them the right to associate freely in bars and restaurants even when everyone wanted to smoke; raised tobacco taxes tenfold; and even prohibited smoking outdoors in some places.

Payback’s a bitch and now it’s your turn. You want the government to regulate my life? I want them to tax the shit out of your Twinkies and Cokes. I love it when an airline makes you pay extra for a second seat. When you go over the weight limit, a buck a pound sounds fair to me.

And, by the way, I’m allergic to fat people. I become physically ill when I’m near them (just like they became “ill” when I smoked around them).

From now on, if you’re overweight you’re only to be allowed on the streets between midnight and 6AM. Hey, that’s why they build all those 24-hour Walmarts isn’t it?

By the way, ever notice how almost all of the pictures of the obese are printed so that you can’t see their faces? Why is that? These are people you could ID in a police lineup from the rear!